We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
