3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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