College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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