Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
