I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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