Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
