She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
