I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
