Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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