dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
