So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
