I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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