I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
