I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
