The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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