Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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