She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
