P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
