I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
