you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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