It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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