Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
