you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
