Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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