Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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