17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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