White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
