i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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