$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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