i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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