now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
