I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Randomize
