oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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