Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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