Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
