Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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