im drinking this country out of the recession.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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