What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
