i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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