someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
