If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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