it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
