Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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