I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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