I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
