i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
