so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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