Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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