Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
