happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
