Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
