I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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